He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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