Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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