I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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