My room smells like vodka and shame
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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