best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just gift wrapped bread.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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