singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
