well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I understand Curling. That high.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
