I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
