I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
