We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I want a musical about memes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
