Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Houston, we have a squirter
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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