whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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