you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
