Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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