I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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