Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
