This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
