I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
