we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
