this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
