My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
