and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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