I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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