I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
