I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
