My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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