its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
