He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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