I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
