Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
