i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
