I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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