Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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