butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
