i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
