Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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