dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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