my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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