i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have tasted many bathrooms
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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