well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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