don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
