i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
