i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
