and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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