So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
