I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
