38 yer olds are good kisserssss
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
