Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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