I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
