I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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